So, big news. The next intake at my local Roller Derby club is in 4 weeks time. 4 weeks today!
The best thing for me is that this time, the training set up has been changed so if I don’t pass the first basic skills test I can keep training at a slower pace.
The worst thing for me this time is that I am still pretty messed up physically, with an appointment with a Rheumatologist (joints specialist) looming, I don’t know “what is wrong with me” and it’s a bit scary.
… and whatev’s
Ultimately, my biggest problem will never be my health, even if I get really super sick like an actual sick person. My biggest problem is my total lack of coordination and bemusement at those who have it. How do they skate about so fast and not die?! It must be magic….
So, it’s same old same old really isn’t it? I have decided “to hell with it” : I am going to just work really hard at my physio and co-ordination exercises for the next month and just go for it, irrespective of the mystery physical ailments which may be resolved by then anyway, who knows!
Failure needs to be an option
One thing I am quite determined about is, while I have lots of plans for the next four weeks,… and colour coded schedules… and stickers for when I do good…. (*yay*) I need to accept that motivation is hard and I might not do as much as I want to. I can’t use that as an excuse later for not going to derby training.
I want do do my physio every day (three times!) keep going for walks and also start swimming and yoga, but if I don’t, I will still be going to derby training. I *promise*.
Allowing myself to Dream
Part of the next month is going to be about allowing myself to hope and dream: usually I am pretty cautious, I don’t want to get my hopes up because I don’t have a great track record with either sport or “sticking with it..” I even will not watch too many derby videos on youtube because the more I grow to love it the more it will hurt when I give up. Maybe, in a few years time, all of this will just be a distant memory and I won’t be any better at skating than I am now. It’s possible, I just need to accept that and not let it hold me back.
I have already succeeded
Even I never end up becoming a super awesome derby player, I have already won really. I am in touch with my body and listening to it for the first time since very early childhood. I have done a lot of work to improve my health and have the determination to fight for my own well-being when the doctor people don’t listen to me. And, of course, I have met some amazing women who have inspired me loads.
For all this, I am proud of myself and grateful for this amazing sport and the people who play it. If this is all I ever achieve, then it’s still pretty freeking awesome right?!